Metamorphosis, Part 8

| Apr 10, 2017

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]

“What the hell are you doing?” My mother appeared out of nowhere and I jumped out of my skin.

“I don’t know, I — I just thought,” I stammered.

“Mark! You don’t wear Mommy’s lipstick. You’re a young man, not a young woman. If your father finds out, he will beat your ass.”

“But,” I had pleaded, “I don’t understand why. Why can’t I paint my lips? I love it?”

“Because it’s gay,” those words resonated through my mind for many years. Even now, as we rest here in this cave underneath the hills, I can hear those painful echoes trapped in time.

My mother never knew how wrong she was and possibly never will. She wouldn’t understand that the words ‘gay’ and ‘transgender’ were not the same thing. I couldn’t dare explain to my naïve mother that sexuality had little to do with gender. My soul’s birth into a boy’s body doesn’t mean I am one, inside.

Now that my outside matches what I’ve always known, my confidence is growing stronger every moment. The change is having the opposite effect on Mark. He clashes with his personal demons and has spoken few words since the lake. I sense something about the old woman brings out uncomfortable suspicions in Mark. Although she protected us, he has no trust for her at all. I see the same melancholy disposition I carried for years now written all over Mark’s face.

The old woman peers at both of us and has been since we set up camp in a hidden cave under the mountains. We’re waiting for her tell us anything about why we’re here, but she seems caught in deep thought. The glimmering flame from the fire we built hours ago shines off sides of the grotto. I stare hypnotized into my own thoughts trying to recall how I arrived here, but it’s still a mystery.

“Well,” I say with my arms tucked under my breasts, and an impatient foot tapping on the stone ground. I thought this lady would get the hint, but she seems to stare through me instead of at me. “Well?” I say loud enough for her to snap to attention.

“Well what, my dear,” replies the hag, her face still caught in a blank stare.

“You must be joking?” Questions Mark as he flailed his arms into the air. 

“Why the hell are we? Me? US? Whatever we are, here? Where is here?” I ask. The old woman snaps to attention and glares at us. 

“I was pondering about how to tell you two what is happening. It’s quite a mess, and it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Oh dear, quite troubling indeed,” she squawks. 

“What does that mean?” I ask, my stomach ties itself into knots as I await a response. 

“Well my dears — you two were never meant to be together. Raquel, you should not have found Mark, and he shouldn’t be here. It has complicated the situation and placed doubt in your mind. Has it not?”

“I mean I guess, but I don’t doubt myself. I don’t understand what has gone wrong with Mark. He’s like so unhappy and miserable, and so. . . .”

“I’m not unhappy,” snaps Mark, “I’m having second thoughts after meeting you.”

“What? Why? What the. . . .”

“Raquel please,” he quips, “you are so full of yourself. Then some voice from the sky calls you perfect! I saw the look on your face. It was annoying.”

“I’m thrilled, I’m finally beautiful, what’s wrong with that?” I ask. Mark’s words pierced me like a dagger to the heart. His jealousy has reared its ugly head and is so out of character for us. There are peculiar differences between us and they’ve become obvious with each passing moment. 

“You see! Only one of you can exist in your world. A decision must be reached here before this journey is over. One of you will return and one of you will cease to be.”

It’s clear those horrible words will change things between Mark and I. We both look at each other as if we’re strangers. My mind twists and bends in different directions. I cannot let him take away all I have fought for. All we have fought for!

“Why can’t we coexist?” I ask with concern in my voice.

“Raquel, you have come here to make a very important decision. The journey was to be tough enough without having Mark here to sway you. Both of you will have to choose how the rest of your life shall be lived. And one of you must make a sacrifice for the other. The Magistrate of this kingdom shall never let you leave until this choice is made,” declares the woman. 

“The Magistrate? Who is that?” I ask. 

“He’s the reason you are here and most likely the reason Mark is here.” 

Mark leans in listening to the woman’s every breath. He seems taken with this information and for the first time, I’m not sure what is in his mind or heart. 

The Magistrate left you in the dead of winter, and for whatever reason made it possible for you to find Mark. He has already sent some of his minions to kill you. There are more lurking in the shadows. He is not a friend, indeed.”

“What was the voice we heard?” Asks Mark.

“A voice? That has nothing to do with the Magistrate. Perhaps it is something calling to you from another place. He, the Magistrate that is, dwells in the lands to the north. It will be a long journey. You must find him and defeat him. He is very tricky, very deceiving, and very convincing. No doubt his plan is to destroy you.”

“Destroy which one of us?” Mark asks, his eyes shifting from me back to the old woman.

“Both of you! Raquel, you have made your choice, and these were some of the consequences of which I spoke. Now you must learn to love. You must learn to be free. Mark, you must learn to understand what you want for your future. If all matches up then you both shall be joined as one. Raquel, even now you must realize a piece of you is missing. Mark, you must feel the same.”

“I feel like this part of me, wanting to be a woman, is just a silly fantasy. I never intended to take it this far,” Mark replies as I shake my head in disgust.

“I feel like Mark is in denial. We didn’t want to be a woman, we already were a woman. And I know this because I lived it. I know my true self and this is it, sweetheart!” I wail. 

“Well I will not give up my life for anyone or anything. It’s about time I get a little selfish about something and this is where I draw the line!” exclaims Mark.

“I don’t intend to go back to the heartache I have experienced my whole life. This is impossible!” I groan.

“Then you two are doomed to fail!” Shouts the woman. She stands up with knees wobbling and bones creaking, she hobbles over to the mouth of the cavern and limps outside. Mark and I sit glaring at each other as the campfire whittles out to smoke creating darkness.

To be continued. . . .

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Category: Fiction, Fun & Entertainment

About RaquelRSwann: Tell us about yourself...I am a transgender writer/blogger who is just getting started as an author and a woman. My"Metamorphosis" Series will be featured in Transliving Magazine starting in September. I have a lot to contribute and hopefully will be releasing a book in the near future! If you want to read more of my works please go to http://tsraquelswann.wordpress.com or follow me on Twitter @RaquelRSwann Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the thoughts, emotions, & worlds I continue to create for you. Love, Raquel

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