M Has 3 Girlfriends. They’re Polyamorus

| Jul 31, 2017

Hello again!

Okay, second post. (I can do this.)

My last post was my way of introducing myself to the Forum. Now that we’re all acquainted, I’d like to discuss something that is very close to my heart. This may be a confusing concept to some, so I will try to move slowly. That being said, this post’s topic is love. But not just any kind of love. This post is about a romantic relationship between multiple people, which is otherwise known as a polyamorous relationship.

Allie and M.

Now, I know that some of you may be expanding your vocabulary with this word, and some of you might already know the word but not have a clear grasp on what it means. Let me be clear; this is nothing like “sister wives.” From my understanding of the sister wives TV show (I’ve only seen a few episodes), sister wives is one man who is in love with four women. In my relationship, as in most other but not all polyamorous relationships, me and my three girls (whom I will refer to with pseudonyms), Allie, Teddy Bear, and Sophie all love each other equally. Allie lives near me, Teddy Bear lives in New England, and Sophie lives across the pond in England (with a 5 hour time difference). I asked each of the girls to define polyamory, and I also wrote up my own definition. My hope is that if we explain it in our own words, at least one of the definitions will click with you. That being said, here are our definitions:

M: Polyamory is the concept that one person can be in love with multiple people at the same time and love each person in the relationship equally with all of their heart.

Allie: One’s feelings of romance are not limited to a single other person. It is not cheating or lying because, as in any other relationship, a poly relationship is based on a mutual understanding, trust, and agreement between all the members involved whether directly or through a partner who is involved with a poly relationship.

Teddy Bear: Well, I think that a polyamorous relationship is just like any other relationship except with two or more people. It has the same workings as a relationship and it has stuff like trust and love. There is really no inherent difference between a Poly relationship and a relationship with two people. The only difference is the amount of people.

Sophie: My definition of polyamory is that I feel like a relationship shouldn’t just be confined to two people and there is nothing wrong with having more than one lover, and that people should be encouraged to explore themselves and what they would like out of a relationship.

As you can see, there are many ways to define a polyamorous relationship, and each poly relationship is different. Now that you (hopefully) have a better understanding of poly, I’d like to share the story of how I got involved in this relationship and how I discovered that I am poly.

Back in December, I took a break from my boarding school for mental health reasons. I was attending a cyber school from January through late March. When I moved back to my house, an old friend of mine put me in contact with Allie. She and I became super close instantly. We had so much in common, including our favorite poem. She had mentioned that she worked at a local fast food restaurant and that she was working there that night. She invited me to come visit her, and she sent me a picture of the bow she was wearing in her hair. I ran downstairs full of excitement and asked my mom if she could take me to the restaurant to meet Allie. My mother said that she would take me, and fifteen minutes later, I was in the parking lot outside of the restaurant. I nervously entered the establishment, walked up to the counter, and asked for Allie. The person behind the counter went to go get her, and within a minute, I first saw one of the three most beautiful girls in the world. We only talked for five minutes as Allie had to get back to work, but before I left, she gave me a hug. I exited the building with a gigantic smile on my face. I was so happy to have finally met her. She and I started dating a few days later, during the early hours of Christmas morning. Neither of us could sleep, so we ended up talking. We both admitted that we had feelings for each other, and we decided to begin dating. Unfortunately we couldn’t make things work due to my still being hurt from a recent break up, but she continued to be my best friend.

Fast forward to early June. I had recently been discharged from a hospital (but that’s a story for a different time), and as soon as I got home, I turned on my phone, and there it was. Several texts from Allie, each with an increasing amount of urgency. She was concerned about me. I messaged her back, letting her know that I was okay. We hung out that night, and I started to feel things for her again. We talked every day after that, and on the following Friday, she graduated from high school. She invited me to dinner with her family following the graduation ceremony, and after dinner, we were finally alone together. At this point in time, she had already met Teddy Bear and Sophie, and the three of them were in a relationship. I knew this, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to kiss her. So, I told her that. In response, she put her lips close to mine and she let me kiss her. That Sunday, she and I decided to begin dating again.

That week, Allie put me in contact with Teddy Bear and Sophie. On that Wednesday, I sent Sophie a message. We hit it off instantly, and she and I talked for a while. That night, I went to a concert, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I ended up messaging her during it, and when I got home, she and I talked some more. By the time it was 1:30 a.m. for me (and 6:30 a.m. for her), she and I had decided to talk to Allie about the possibility of us dating. So, Sophie created a voice chat with the three of us, and we all talked. That was the day that Sophie and I began dating.

Teddy Bear was the last of the girls that I fell in love with, but that doesn’t make her any less special to me. She and I began talking more, mostly about poetry once we discovered that we both share a love for reading and writing. We started saying that we loved each other soon after, and she kept me company (virtually) on an 8 hour car ride to Canada. Shortly after I returned from my trip, I asked her if she would like to date me. She said yes.

That is the story of how I discovered that I am poly. It was a journey of self discovery. When I caught myself falling in love with Sophie, at first I was confused. I was never told that being Poly was an option. I was told that being in a relationship with more than one person was a sin. But in the end, living as my authentic self and listening to my heart conquered over what I was raised to believe. Let me know if you guys would enjoy hearing more about my relationship, and please feel free to ask any questions.

Blessed Be,

M

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Category: Body & Soul

About M: M is a 17-year-old agender person who lives in Pennsylvania. They about to enter senior year of high school. Their preferred pronouns are they/them. Their favorite things are music, poetry, and dogs. M is an aspiring writer, activist, and psychologist. They look forward to being a part of the TG Forum community, and would love to share their perspective of the world.

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