Hello, World

Claire H.

By Claire H.

I’m opening this blog with a greeting to the world, because, after more than fifty years of hiding in the closet, fifty years of secrets and unnecessary shame. I’m out, finally! But not all the way out, and thus the profile picture I’ve selected, at least for now (Plus I still need a makeup lesson. Or two. Or three.)

I’m fifty-eight years old, and until just a few weeks ago, the only people who were aware that Claire was alive beneath my male exterior were my oldest friend from childhood and my soon-to-be ex-wife. If you’re wondering if the disclosure and the divorce are connected, the answer is no, or only peripherally, at best. We’re simply two very different people who grew apart instead of growing closer in our time together. It’s sad, but it happens sometimes.

So why is Claire emerging now, and with such speed and force? I have to give a huge thank-you to my wife. In the painful conversation where she said she didn’t see a path for us together ahead, she encouraged me to fully explore this need. She reminded me I’m almost sixty now and said wouldn’t it be a shame if I came to the end of the trail called life without doing that.

As Morgan Freeman said, “She’s right, you know.”

One of the ways I’m blessed right now is with good overall health, but within days of that conversation, the Universe seemed to want to drive the point home. One friend, a Vietnam veteran, was diagnosed with bone cancer, and the wife of one of my best friends underwent surgery for ovarian cancer. In both cases, detection was early and each of them has a good prognosis. But if I needed an in-your-face reminder that tomorrow is not guaranteed, this was it.

First thing: A wardrobe! Thanks to Goodwill, eBay, and Walmart, I’ve found that it doesn’t have to be a budget-buster. I was also so thrilled to discover a salon that specializes in T-girls just a two-hour drive away. The owner has a wonderful, large clothes closet (actually a converted garage in a former private residence) and her prices are not expensive. Some things do cost a bit more, like breast forms, but believe me, a good pair are worth every penny.
(I probably would have finished this blog a little faster but I could not resist constantly glancing down at my new bosom. I’ve been told newly-emergent girls tend to be a little self-centered.) Oh, and don’t forget a nice panty with butt and hip pads. When I looked at myself in a full-length mirror with my new hourglass shape for the first time, I almost cried. I think that was when I realized that for the first time in my life I didn’t hate my body. I felt something close to love for it. Isn’t that something?

Something wonderful?

Thanks for reading, keep loving yourself and keep living your life as fully as you can.

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Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul