Do you Think I’m Sexy?

I never cease to be amazed by the number of videos on YouTube by crossdressers that purport to be dressed sexily yet study after study by both popular men’s and women’s magazines contradict much of what I see in our crossdressing community. Here is one example:

[Video missing on YouTube.]

I’ve heard people say that seeing a CD walk down the street gets the same response as if someone dressed like S&M walking down the street on a dog chain would get. Both sort of wear their sexuality on their sleeve. Actually being seen as a Goth is less stigmatizing than being seen as a CD. And if you thought the first example was a little extreme, then here is a 59 year old “gurl” with great legs but I hope she’s wearing a gaff and is well tucked because there isn’t much left to the imagination.

Learning to walk in stilettos would be helpful too.

Do we ever ask ourselves; why is a heterosexual man doing this? Why are we acting as if we’re trying to tempt a man to come and mate with us? And don’t kid yourself that the attraction we try to generate is aimed at anything but men. Setting aside your awareness that this picture is of a man for the moment and being brutally honest with yourself, you have to admit that, on some level, this picture arouses sexual feelings in you. It’s a normal masculine response to the purely visual illusion of an aroused and sexually receptive female.

So maybe this is why people who are freaked out by MtF crossdressing have such a strong reaction — it looks like the walking talking sex act to their subconscious mind.

From my own introspections, crossdressing or transvestitism is very sexual in nature although that’s not the only reason. The author quoted below in bold italics claims that the wearing of women’s clothing by men is about sexuality, although we may disguise it in many forms — the sensuality of lace or satin on our skin or sexual arousal by the sight of our own body – legs in sheer hosiery, a skirt pulled taught across our thighs, painted fingernails, fingering those long blond tresses — all cues that would arouse me if I saw them on a woman.

All women want to feel pretty and this may be a key to understanding crossdressing too — the feeling of wanting to be attractive. It’s hardly an objective feeling given the many jokes about the “Magic Mirror.” I do not look anywhere near as attractive as I feel. Yet there is a warm and happy feeling of looking good and being beautiful, indeed, of being immensely desirable.

I took my first big step into the world of crossdressing at a transformation shop in Columbus, Ohio. Brenda was wonderful. She spent the whole day preparing me and when she finally stood me in front of the full length mirror and said “Behold Tasi” I could have cried. I was beautiful, notwithstanding that brown is not my color, I didn’t have the right foundation garments and the wig was only so-so. Still as we shopped at Fashion Bug later that day, there was never any doubt in my mind that I am a woman in my heart. The cold wind blowing on my legs in that late November evening was an indescribable feeling and I wanted nothing more than to wear that dress forever.

Well, women do wear short, tight skirts and high heels, push-up bras and low-cut tops and at the same time complain that similarly-clad women in advertisements or entertainments are only there to titillate men. When I have pointed out the apparent inconsistency, I invariably get an answer to the effect of “I don’t dress to please men. I dress to please myself.” I have heard this from so many sources that I am inclined to believe it is true. But don’t we do the same? It’s not necessary to be sexy, just feel that way; two cases that can be seen as part of the same phenomenon.

Women’s clothing like bras and panties, even for normal men, become sexual in nature by a simple process of association when they see or feel them on desirable women. Men are aroused by visual cues. Thus the sight of a mini-skirt, some obvious cleavage, a stiletto heel or a dress pulled tight across a soft belly evoke a sexual response whether in women or ourselves.We flaunt our crossdressing to affirm the positive and glamorous aspects of being ‘transgendered.’

“It is a sensation of being physically attractive as a woman that crossdressers crave and seek, through crossdressing, to achieve. It is the feeling of presenting to ourselves and the world as an attractive female that we call femininity and that this limited way of experiencing the female condition is at the heart of what it is to be a crossdresser’ (Note 1)

So do we really want to have sex with a man. For most of us, NO, although the fantasies may be there. So then how do we perpetuate the feeling of “being sexy” without being the sex object? To be sexy is the secret wish of women round the world but can you define it, the word, the look, the attitude, and then fit yourself into that mold? One men’s magazine said, “I want her to know that she is sexy because of who she is. No age, body shape, weight, height, hair length or bank balance (well maybe :-)) can ever dictate what sexy is.

One poll of 50,000 men when asked about what sexy is said: high heels, stockings and mini-skirt, then jeans and t-shirt, crossing your long legs, wearing lavender perfume, and symmetry-wear clothes to balance your body. Others said an hourglass figure, long hair, (prefer brunette to blond), and thongs rather than bikini panties.

Another study from MSN said nice nails, wearing his shirt, a knowing smile, something racy (black lingerie), a seductive gaze, anything off the shoulder, some cleavage but just a suggestion, subtle makeup (lips and eyes), high heels, active listening, communication, and looking healthy.

In a study by E-Harmony, a dating service, in response to a question on what men considered sexy, there was not a single item that was clothes-related. Yahoo Answers responded to a woman’s question about what is sexy and the short answer was her sincere smile, her eyes, and her soft feminine tone. Read the complete answer on Yahoo.

Actually, I think this article from Marie Claire comes pretty close to the truth Surprisingly Sexy Looks for Women – Looks That Turn Men On.
The main things men look for:

• A little hint of what’s to come
• Mystery — so my mind can do the rest
• Sophistication

Men want a woman’s style to push their buttons with a gentle tap. The bare look with overwhelming cleavage just doesn’t cut it. Actually style rules say short on bottom, covered on top (well maybe a little cleavage) or if their eyes are focused on your chest, then the skirt should be to or just above the knee. Pencil skirts are good.

Here are the looks and styles that turn men on the most:

Short Skirts
Obviously, a woman with a nice figure and great legs in a short skirt, just above the knee, gets them going. They like the idea of pushing it up in the throes of passion.

Glasses
Glasses make a girl seem innocent and intelligent. Even geeky girls have a chance.

Wearing Your Hair Up
Undoing and undressing is fun and “sexy hair,” tousled and textured, is hot. When a girl takes her hair down and it flows in every direction . . . I could get very graphic here but you get the idea. Perhaps this is the reason that crossdressers love long hair. We’ll need classes in how to put up your hair though. My wife agrees that hair put up in a swept fashion is very attractive for women too.

Professional Clothing
When a woman is all dressed up and put together, it’s hot to think of taking all of that off. The business blouse and skirt are sophisticated and sexy. We’ll demonstrate this point in the video below.

Button Mastery
One man said, “I do my best not to stare at cleavage, but sometimes I just can’t help it. And it’s totally sexy (and unfair) when a woman has a few of her top buttons undone so I can see just a little bit of cleavage.  It’s a delicate balance though, because — like I said — too much cleavage turns me off. The right amount gives me a little hint, and leaves the right amount of mystery.”

Button mastery can be accomplished with different articles of clothing, and buttons are much sexier than tight tube-toppish things. A business-ish blouse combined with button mastery is amazing.

Lace/Colored/Ornate & Shapely Bras
Ah! Yes, the bra. Those bras that enhance your shape and are covered in lace, well I hardly wait to get it off. But all said and done, they can be deceiving. One guy said that by that time, he didn’t care ?

This next group was maybes. They could be turn-ons or turn-offs

Heels
Almost every sexy image out there includes heels, but if they look painful . . .  I’ve had that problem so I envy the girls that can wear those 4-5-6 inch stilettos. You just better be able to walk in them without stumbling.

Lingerie
Fancy bras are hot, but full-on lingerie ensembles don’t particularly excite men. God help the woman wearing shape wear.

Tube Tops/Midriffs
These can be cute, but not sexy because they show too much skin too soon.

I’ve often asserted my belief that women dress for other women most of the time. Actually the opinions are divided between dressing for themselves or other women. Carine Roitfeld, Vogue Paris EIC says she dresses for herself. Isabel Toledo (fashion designer) has been quoted, “Women dress for men. I do dress for myself because it makes me feel empowered, but I’m definitely looking for [my husband’s] expression, not his approval.” Over in “Stylish Thought” one woman said, “I dress for myself, but I think most women dress for other women. And women with low self esteem dress for men. I think there’s some application of this idea for crossdressers too. Of course one wonders when you see this look above.

And of course a women’s sense of style is different than ours. Look at this best selling dress from the Shabby Apple. It’s pretty, but not glamorous; but it is feminine and oh so right for many crossdressers for many reasons. It’s fitted, there is a defined waist, it covers the shoulders, it has a flowing a-line skirt with a touch of lace on the hem and being a single color, lends itself to accessorizing up or down depending on the occasion. Wear it to work as seen and change for the evening with an attractive clutch, a statement necklace and some contrasting shoes in a bright color. This is sexy.

Ok, so let’s take a look at some other options.

First let’s take a look at some date night outfits from Refinery 29, a leading fashion magazine.  Probably not what you would expect but do you see some of the style elements that we’ve been talking about.

Now for the younger set, and you need the body to pull this off, this video by VCKD56, a crossdresser, is exceptional. It clearly demonstrates that you can be sexy and attractive without showing your crotch and wearing skin tight clothing — well there are a couple of times.

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However those of us in the over 40 group are rarely blessed with these wonderful bodies so have to suffer through the best we can. Well, maybe not. Por ella soy Eva (For her, I’m Eva) is a Mexican soap opera whose male star, Juan Carlos (Jaime Camil) plays the role of a woman. Jamie is hardly a petite person, but through the magic of makeup, the right clothes and the right wig becomes a sexy woman. See what you think! This video is Jamie’s transformation from man to woman. (Editor’s Note: See if you can tell how many makeup and hair artists it takes to do the transformation.)

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Some of you I will never convince, but for others I hope the idea of sexy means more than a tight dress and 6 inch heels but something you can attain through the right selection of clothes, makeup and accessories. We will be discussing these ideas further when Sisterhouse opens in a few months. Until then, be glamorous and be sexy.

Hugs,

Tasi

Note 1: From Cate’s blog at http://www.catherinel.tvheaven.com/index.html. The original source of material is from YBATV at http://ybatv.blogspot.com/2007/03/causes-of-transvestitism.html which addresses the causes of transvestitism in a series of very astute articles. These are worth your time to read.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, heels, impersonation, style

Category: Impersonation, Style, Transgender Fashion, Transgender How To